If you don’t speak up, no one will know what you want. It’s that simple!
You see that all the time in relationships, friendships, at work, and even with your own self. You don’t say what you really want and therefore you end up not getting it.
What happens then is your wounded-self starts to fabricate stories. I am never heard, no one loves me, I am not good enough or strong enough, why does this keep happening to me, what’s wrong with me, and the list continues.
We shift to self-blame and self-doubt and start living our victim story.
This is dangerous for so many reasons; first of all, it’s all imaginary, which means it is not based on any facts and therefore it’s a dark hole that you can keep falling into forever because no fact will help you snap out of it. Second of all, this can become a habit, and your ego can actually start enjoying this victim role and adopt it in every life situation.
But don’t worry, because there is a way out. Here’s my 5 simple steps to learn how to speak up:
- Know your values
What is important to you? What are the things that really move you? Or inspire you? Or simply make you happier and more relaxed? is it honesty, love, simplicity, freedom, joy, or health? By knowing what your priorities are, you will be able to know what you want in the first place. And that is definitely a good point to start.
2. Get the answer to why you don’t speak up
There is always a reason to why we do something, and that is either to feel something, or to avoid feeling it. So, what is it for you? If it the fear of judgment, or the need to fit in? by discovering why you do something it will be easier for you to work on it and change it.
3. Practice with yourself
Start telling yourself what you want, how you like your day to be, what schedule do you want to be on, or what daily routine do you want to have. The way we deal with ourselves is usually the way we deal with others. Do you have boundaries with yourself? Do you respect your own values? Do you tell yourself what you want? Or do you just do whatever, whenever?
4. Start Saying ‘no’
A huge part of speaking up and saying what we want, is saying what we don’t want. And this takes me to my first point of knowing your values. Start saying no to anything that doesn’t match or respect your values. If you love health, then it’s okay to say no when someone offers you a brownie. Setting boundaries will give you more space in your life to do what you actually want to do.
5. Understand the game of speaking up
Humans are creatures of communication, and that is the only way we know how to understand each other. If you don’t speak up and share your wants and needs, how do you expect others to know them? It’s impossible! By speaking up you will help yourself have healthier, stronger relationships. The kind of relationships that not only respect your values but also allow you to feel comfortable defending them.
“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.” -Madonna
Peace & Love,
Featured image is by Unsplash